Lost

"Who are you ?", my heart nearly broke.

Have you ever though that someone so dear to you could experience something so tragic in that person's life. Have you ever thought that after years and years of knowing each other and making such sweet memories, it would all be lost in just a blink of an eye ? I sat on the seat beside Bella's hospital bed while holding her hand as my heart clenched in pain. "My name is Hanna", I introduced myself, sending her a weak smile. Her confused expression changed as she smiled. "Hanna... that's a really nice name. It's nice meeting you." "It means 'flower' in Japanese", I told her. "That makes perfect sense", she nodded understandingly, looking at me.

"Hanna, can I ask you something ?", she waited for a sign of approval, so I nodded. "Were we close friends before ?" My smile faltered but I quickly smiled again. "Actually, yes we were", my smile was crooked and I was sure she could tell. "Oh... you must be really sad that I was unable to recognize you... I'm really sorry". I sighed subtly before replying. "It's not your fault, it's alright. And well, yes I am sad but I'm just really glad the surgery went successfully and you're okay now", I sad and the corner of her lips curved upwards, forming a smile. "You're supposed to say 'No, I am not. I'm just really glad that you're okay after the surgery'. I was kidding", she joked while laughing lightly as I grinned, glad that her playful side is still in her. "Don't worry, I'll try to remember everything", she said with determination. "And I'll help you", I smiled warmly, squeezing her hand slightly as assurance.

I wish I am able to turn back time to prevent this from happening. She has been to quiet before her surgery in which I was not aware of. I was clueless about her surgery. I was too busy with all the school work and projects that I was unable to have a heart-to-heart talk with her. If only she had told me sooner. I would have been able to help her. I wouldn't know how, but I would have helped her in some way. How I despise myself for not being able to stop this unwanted event.

I was telling her about the basic information about herself. I'm sure her parents have told her most. So, I told her where she's studying at, what her interests are, what are her hobbies and etc. Suddenly, a knock on the door interrupted our conversation and Bella allowed the guest to enter. In came a nurse, holding a clipboard in her hand. "Good evening, miss. I'm sorry to interrupt but visiting hours has ended. You'll be able to visit Miss Bella again tomorrow", she said, mostly directing that to me. I nodded at the nurse before she bowed her head and went back out. "Guess I'll have to go now", I pouted while packing my stuffs, not really wanting to leave so I could spend more time with my best friend. "I'll see you tomorrow, right Hanna?", she asked and I answered her. "Of course, you will". "Thanks for visiting me", she said as I waved before taking my leave.

The next, I came back to visit Bella after school has ended. Still in my school uniform, I walked in her room with a basket of fruits I bought along the way here. "Good afternoon, Bella", I said in a cheerful tone as I closed the door behind me. "Hi, Hanna !", she greeted back with as much joy as I do, waving her hand at me. I sat on the same seat as yesterday and set the basket on the bedside table when she suddenly spoke out. "I have no idea why but I miss you. Even though I barely know you", I smiled gleefully, hearing her statement. "I miss you a lot as well. I'm really glad you're still here even though you've lost your memories, but we'll all try to help you gain them back", I said, smiling softly as I handed an apple to her and took one for myself. "Still here ? What do you mean ? And we as in ?", her face clearly expressing her confusion. "Well, I'm not your only close friend. You have a lot others that care for you too. It's just sad that they're all currently really busy with school stuffs, but I'm sure they'll be visiting soon", I said, biting a bit of the apple afterwards. "Wow, that's pretty cool knowing I have a lot of friends. Are they like you too ?", she asked me excitedly. "Well, they're a bit like me but still different in some ways", I nodded, affirming my statement. "I hope to meet them soon then", she nodded understandingly and we ate the fruits I brought for her while conversing until the end of visiting hours again.

"This is... I did that ? How in the world ?", Bella asked me in astonishment, not believing when I showed her web layout designs and graphic works on my laptop the next day. I laughed at her bewildered expression while nodding. "Yes really, you're the one who did it". "Athletic and talented. Can I marry myself ?", she said, earning another round of laughter from the easily-amused me. I did tell her yesterday that she was very athletic and good in basketball, especially with her tall figure. "Don't laugh at me", she complained, however was laughing too. "I'm not just laughing at you but I'm laughing with you?", I said while laughing, quite unsure myself. "That is not an excuse", she whined again, still laughing. "Yes, it is", I stuck my tongue out at her jokingly and she did the same. We laughed at our childish behaviour and I kept thinking how glad I was that she still had her joker side.

It was a quarter past nine on a Tuesday night when we were watching the semi-final match for the 2014 World Cup. Germany against Brazil and we were both siding Germany. Well, it is our neighbour country since we live in the UK. "Have you eaten your medicines, Bella ? You know, your old self used to be very stubborn when it comes to eating medicines", I said, reminiscing the past. "Maybe I'm still like that", she meekly grinned, admitting in guilt as I laughed while handing her the medicines. "Really, Bella. I would always have to help you eat them and nag you like a mom. Not that I mind, though", I said, pouring warm water into a cup for her to drink and swallow down the tablet. "It's okay, you're going to be a great mother", we laughed and averted our attention back to the television just in time for Germany to score another goal in the second half. "GOAAAL !", the both of us cheered loudly. 

"I remembered something", I looked back at Bella, waiting for her to continue her sudden outburst. "'Smiri se'. What does that mean?", she looked up at me in a puzzled expression while I looked surprised. "'Smiri se' ! It means 'calm down' in Macedonian, in Maria's language ! Oh my... how did you suddenly remember that phrase ?", my heart thumped in expectation. "I don't even know... it just came across me. 'Calm down' ? I'll use it often then", she said, eager to have learned a new phrase, or more likely to have remembered an old, meaningful phrase. It wouldn't have been meaningful if it were not for such a meaningful memory that me, Bella and Maria once had when we were really hyper that one day, resulting in Maria to try to calm ourselves down.

My smile broadened in realization, knowing that she's getting more of her memories back. In that moment, I knew that even though most of her memories might be lost, it doesn't mean it's all gone forever. It will always be there, maybe not in the memories but in the hearts. I've promised Bella to help her gain her memories back and I don't plan on breaking that promise. A promise is a promise, and besides, we are finally able to see the light in this situation and we will go through every obstacle to reach up to the light. "GOAAAL !", another goal by Germany, earning really loud cheers from both Bella and I. We laughed afterwards and lowered our voices down as to not disturb the patients in other rooms nearby. We were both elated to have Germany in the finals now, but most importantly, I am elated to know that everything will be alright, maybe not the way it was before, but maybe better.

- THE END -

Labels: essays